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As they cuddled together in a gold-encrusted gondola, Sally Humphreys leaned in adoringly for a lingering kiss - from a man almost old enough to be her grandad. His thin, wrinkled lips were puckered like those of a man who had misplaced his dentures.His crepey skin stretched across his thin, boney face, his sun-damaged hand reached for her slender knee, his turkey neck wobbled in anticipation of a night of passion. One can only imagine that when they did make love, Miss Humphreys laid back and thought of the Bank of England.The most brilliant portrayal of the truth of the much older man and the younger woman comes, ironically, from Woody Allen - who left his partner and mother of his children, Mia Farrow, who was a modest ten years his junior, for their stepdaughter Soon-Yi Previn, who was 35 years younger than him.In Allen’s film You Will Meet A Tall Dark Stranger, Anthony Hopkins plays Alfie, a married man who dumps his wife Helena and marries a gold-digging prostitute half his age called Charmaine Foxx.How else can you explain the love affair between the scarecrow Wood and this lovely theatre producer?While it could be true love, it’s more likely she’s been seduced by the lure of celebrity, or the money and lavish lifestyle that the multi-millionaire Wood can offer.

They insist they’ve had a stroke or a heart attack when it’s just heartburn from eating too much.He’s not only dyed his hair, he’s also dyed his eyebrows.But while this may knock off a few years when he’s dressed, when he revealed himself in all his wrinkly majesty, Ms Humphreys will have discovered that he’s not a natural brunette, if you catch my drift.Constantly seeking reassurance, they need their lovers to lavish praise on them.As Wood said of his new girlfriend: “She’s really supportive of everything I do.” Clever girl.

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This is especially true on "Take a Breath," when his crunchy, crackling power chords come off like something from his own Diamond Head album; his solo against the counterpoint of the orchestra makes it one of the set's true rockist highlights.

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