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But a few hours with the legendary columnist proves that's far from the truth.

Despite a few aches and pains, Smith remains a wickedly funny and energetic observer of America's celebrity circus, overflowing with impertinent anecdotes and insider information she's gleaned as the Boswell of the rich and famous.

He takes medication for alopecia, even though it has an unfortunate side effect."It means I don't have any sperm left.

Once the shimmering, beautiful boy of films such as Another Country and Dance With A Stranger, Everett is now only three years shy of his 50th birthday, but still handsome, with enormous dark eyes, a rich battalion of Hollywood teeth and a careful fringe arranged wisp by wisp over his forehead.

When in London, Rupert Everett eats the same lunch at the same Italian restaurant every day; a plate of whole-wheat pasta with tomato sauce, broccoli, garlic and mint, plus a mixed salad with green beans on the side.

Not available on the menu, it is something he has concocted, and it is notably nutritious and well balanced, which are not always things you can say about Rupert himself.

Today, he's up, he's on, he's solicitous and hilarious in turn, before showing just enough of his vulnerable side to make you want to throw a cashmere wrap around those skittle shoulders and give him a great, big hug, especially when he tells you that nobody loves him any more. I could set myself on fire in a gay bar, and people would just light their cigarettes from me. Certainly, in Red Carpets he writes with enormous relish and skill, his natural, witty talent somehow transcending the terrible editing. But I would hate to really, really hurt someone."Someone important is what he really means.

His is a fabulous performance."Unfortunately, I am single, yes, but I'm too exhausted for anything else and being gay is a young man's game," he says. Being gay and being a woman has one big thing in common, which is that we both become invisible after the age of 42. I don't want to be carried out of a club wearing a tie-dye T-shirt and a cap on the wrong way around when I am 70, but I would like to settle down a bit. In some ways I do feel more settled, but now I want to take part in things."What things? Still, I couldn't put it down and by the last page was thinking: much, much more of this, please. Still, as most books featuring Hollywood stars are usually sanitised, censored rubbish, Everett's must be celebrated – particularly as it's always good to know that Faye Dunaway's nickname is Done Fadeaway, that Sharon Stone needs to be "inhabited" by the character she is playing and that Colin Firth used to be an annoyingly pious activist who played guitar and sang Lemon Tree, Very Pretty on film sets. That throughout his life he has a knack for snatching defeat from the jaws of victory, and that after completing his Red Carpets manuscript and taking stock of himself he realised that "mine looked like quite a romantic life, but it didn't seem like that when I was living it".

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